Yes, and... No thank you! w/ Rachel Copel
“As a self-diagnosed people pleaser, I realised I was bending over backwards and allowing violations of my work/life boundaries”
Rachel Copel is a theatre maker and performer originally from Chicago. She received her MFA from The Central School of Speech and Drama, and currently resides in London.
The best professional advice I ever received was from my former improv teacher and colleague Noah Gregoropoulus. I had complimented him on completely upending what had begun as a bit of a dud scene during a show, and he replied with his favorite improv rule: Sometimes, you have to say “Yes, and… No thank you!”
We’re taught in the long-form improv manual Truth In Comedy, “The only rule that cannot be broken is the rule of agreement.” But, “Yes, and…” isn’t just about agreement, it’s about adding fuel to the fire and progressing the scene. Noah explained that not all choices are good ones. Sometimes to keep the show moving, you have to acknowledge the reality of a choice your scene partner makes, and then progress the scene by changing course in some way. Noah told me that he applied “Yes, and… No thank you!” to pretty much everything and that as long as you see, hear, and acknowledge what is going on around you, you shouldn’t feel guilty saying no if you feel it isn’t the correct or healthy choice for you.
I’ve found a ton of practical applications for “Yes, and… No thank you!” in my everyday life, including but not limited to: avoiding multi-level marketing schemes, dodging overactive group text threads, and turning down invitations to midnight improv shows. However, the best place I learned to say “Yes, and… No thank you!” was in my professional life.
Noah and I worked together at iO Chicago (formerly Improv Olympic), where I held a variety of roles ranging from box office intern to theatre manager between 2012 and 2018. While I worked on our senior staff team, one of my responsibilities was serving as PA to Artistic Director Charna Halpern, co-creator of The Harold and co-author of Truth In Comedy. Working for Charna was the best education for a career as a theatre-maker I could ask for, but dealing with the needs (and neuroses) of hundreds of improvisors was exhausting.
As the years went on, I found myself taking on more and more emotional stress from others, and it started wearing me down. Comedians came to iO with big dreams, and put a lot of effort into the work they did there. It was incredibly rewarding to watch performers at iO book TV and film work after getting noticed at the theatre, but for every person that “made it”, we had hundreds of others who were burnt out and frustrated, and it was difficult to not let that energy affect me sometimes.
I love working with and supporting other artists, but interacting with hundreds of them wound up being too overwhelming for me. As a self-diagnosed people pleaser, I realised I was bending over backwards and allowing violations of my work/life boundaries to make others happy, often to my detriment. The performers at iO worked so hard, often for no money, and I felt it was important to provide what I could for them. But no amount of free rehearsal space, workshops, or attention could please everyone, and I realized being a sounding board for frustrated comedians was taking a massive toll on my mental health.
One of my favorite parts of working at an improv theatre was providing support to other artists so that they could achieve their goals. After I spoke to Noah, I realized that I was spending all of my time helping other people with their careers, and I wasn’t focusing on my own. While I had become very comfortable working at iO, I wanted to perform, direct, and teach more. I had some of those opportunities within my work at iO, but if I wanted to be a full time creative, I had to take some risks and head to new pastures. I had learned what I could from the position I was in, and in order to grow professionally I needed to seek out new challenges, so I applied to drama schools to pursue an MFA. Noah’s advice made so much sense to me: sometimes you need to edit! I realized I was letting the scene drag on. It was time to start concentrating more on my own career and expanding my tool box.
I wound up completely upending my life. I was accepted to graduate school, put in my notice at work, and moved to London in the fall of 2018 to begin an MFA at The Central School of Speech and Drama. I eventually accepted a job as a stage door keeper on nights and weekends, but not after saying “No thank you” to a few job offers that weren’t the right fit. With my new school and work setups, I discovered that I was better suited for collaborations with smaller teams, and that I tend to thrive more when I set firm boundaries between my professional life and my personal life.
Look, I’m not a total ding dong. This is not one size fits all advice! Sometimes we have to do things we don’t necessarily want to do. For example, I’d love to make art all day, but I have bills to pay and we’re in the middle of a pandemic. I still do admin to support myself, and I probably will for a long time. But trying something new allowed me to find career opportunities that were way better for my emotional health. Finishing graduate school in the middle of a pandemic wasn’t ideal, but I’m so glad I took those steps and began moving towards focusing on work I’m passionate about.
“Yes, and… No thank you!” can go beyond getting out of your comfort zone and leveling up your professional life. Social and career pressure can make us think we have to say yes to every opportunity, but it’s okay to responsibly and respectfully bow out if something isn’t a good fit. It’s okay to say no to things, or let go of things that are no longer serving you! Since the pandemic there’s been a lot of discourse around downsizing our socializing and taking more “me” time, but what if we did that professionally? What if, instead of taking on multiple projects in order to stay relevant or build our resumes, we committed to doing one thing at a time really well? That probably won’t happen with the all-encompassing pressures of capitalism, but it’s nice to dream! There’s a balance to strike between productivity and rest, but I hope that with “Yes, and… No thank you!” we can all find ways to take care of ourselves.
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