How To Not Hate Networking Through Improv w/ James Abraham
“What if I can’t think of anything to say? How long are you supposed to keep talking to someone? Can I eat this mini quiche while looking professional?”
James Abraham is a writer, comedian and business consultant, based in London. He studied improv with The Free Association and Second City.
The dictionary doesn’t, but should, define networking as the only thing more painful than shutting your bare toes in a car door.
Okay, okay… I get that, for some of you, networking comes more naturally. For me though, the thought of sailing out into a sea of strange faces, tasked with generating professional small-talk that won’t act as an aural anaesthetic, gives me the heebie-jeebies.
My worry often stems from two questions; who will I talk to, and what will I say? The weird thing is that as an improviser, the ‘what will I say?’ worry now rarely raises its head. And it turns out many of my improv skills can be transferred to make me a more comfortable and effective networker. I believe this is because, at their core, successful networking and successful improv depend on the same principle: connection.
Want to be a better networker? Here are my hard-earned tips, and how improv can help.
Step into The Void
I don’t know about you, but the first challenge I have with networking is actually showing up.
What if I can’t think of anything to say? How long are you supposed to keep talking to someone? Can I eat this mini quiche while looking professional? Informal events made for networking also lack the structure and rules that can act as a comfort blanket in more formal interactions.
I call this unknown, unregulated time ‘The Void’. Sounds scary, right?
You can’t see into The Void from the outside. No amount of predicting and preparing can make you ready for The Void. The Void is a vacuum and will literally suck your eyes out. Okay, that bit isn’t true. But The Void is unknowable before you enter it and that can be anxiety inducing. The good news is that improv arms you with a mindset that makes stepping into The Void much less intimidating.
Every fresh improv scene is a Void. You often don’t know who you are, where you are or why you’re there. Very Voidy. And yet improv training prepares you to step on stage - yes, you might one day be entering The Void in front of a live audience - confident that staying connected and present will get you through.
Here’s the secret: the only way to beat The Void and to stop worrying about the unknown, is to trust in the moment and make the first step. That means paying close attention to what is happening right now, and having faith that by following your instincts you’ll be able to communicate authentically.
Improv teaches you and, more importantly, demonstrates to you on stage that if you are focussed and present, something will come. It might seem there is nothing to say, but by trusting you’ll find something, you can take a deep breath and bravely enter The Void.
Navigate The Void
Look at you! You put your trust in yourself to be okay in the moment. You’re at a conference and notice someone lingering by the coffee machine. You introduce yourself, you brave soul… but now what?
The answer is thrillingly simple: be genuinely interested in the other person. Ask them who they are and what they do. Try to find out what makes them passionate and then delve deeper. Ask follow ups. Be interested. Authentically, genuinely interested.
Dale Carnegie, author of the venerated ‘How To Win Friends And Influence People’, agrees:
"Talk to someone about themselves and they’ll listen for hours... You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.”
Talk to people about their favourite subject: themselves! When you don’t know what to say next, your curiosity can be your compass. Use it to navigate away from silence and towards making a meaningful connection.
Improv is a fantastic way to hone this skill. Often in a scene, you’ll be playing the ‘straightman’ role; essentially you are the more sensible of the characters on stage, and your job will be to find out what is interesting and funny about the other person. You are trained to find out what someone’s ‘deal’ is by asking the right questions: what do they care about? What is their point of view on the world? What do they want? In improv you’re doing this to find irrational beliefs that will lead to comedy on stage. The core skills, though, are the same as needed to follow Carnegie’s advice: to get curious about the other person and follow that curiosity.
This isn’t to say you should avoid bringing yourself into the conversation. Hopefully, your new helpful job friend (excuse the technical terminology) will respond to your interest and be equally curious as to what makes you tick.
Be the Network
You bravely stepped into the great unknown of the networking Void. You followed your curiosity and built a meaningful connection. Job done, right?
Wrong! This is networking, not netshirking (sorry), and you have to finish the job. The good news is the final step is not to thrust your CV in someone's face, or inist they give you access to their complete contact list.
Your task is, refreshingly, to be the well-meaning helpful person you already are.
The point of making a connection isn’t that they will immediately give you some professional opportunity. In their book on navigating career change ‘Designing Your Life’, Bill Burnett and Dave Evans remind the reader that “‘Network’ is more noun than verb. The point isn’t to ‘do’ networking, the point is to participate in the network”. You participate in the network by communicating and deepening relationships with your connections. And the best, most authentic and effective way of doing that is by trying to offer help.
And how do you know what your new professional pal wants, or what they find interesting? Well you’ve just been asking them all about it! Now, if you see an article they might be interested in, email it to them! If you think you know someone they would enjoy meeting, set it up! These ideas may even occur to you in your initial conversation - try not to let those opportunities pass you by.
In improv, your scene partner will mention little details about where you are, what kind of relationship you might have, and what kind of people you both might be. We call these tidbits of information ‘offers’, because any extra clue as to what is building in the scene is viewed as a gift that is to be seized upon. Improvisers are taught to spot these offers, by staying present and actively listening, and to use them by meeting them with positivity.
I’ve found that through performing improv I have got better at spotting offers in everyday life. Now, if my mum makes a throwaway comment about Vietnamese coffee you better believe I’ll pick up on it and turn it into the best damn birthday present she got last year. Equally, being attuned to these offers when networking can help you spot opportunities for you to help someone, or indeed when someone is offering you a helping hand.
Put simply, follow your natural instincts to be curious and kind. Your curiosity will open doors, revealing a conversational path to connection. And your kind, authentic offers of help will allow you to build a meaningful, useful network. Now go out and be brave, step into The Void. I’ll see you there.
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If you have an interesting story on how improv has helped or is helping you in the real world, please complete the form at www.thefreeassociation.co.uk/improv-in-real-life
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